As an African American experiencing life in the renowned “traditional African village” for the first time, you might find yourself in quite the conundrum. On one hand it’s almost surreal. You are getting a firsthand look at what you’ve always imagined your ancestors to have lived like. You even come across people who bear striking resemblance to your African American relatives. Still, upon arriving you quickly realize that they and their environment couldn’t be more different from your own.
Their mother-tongue, that understanding of the earth and how to live off of it. The deep sense of community you witness every time a villager stops by to greet them.
Despite your interwoven shades of brown, an extended stay in the village can leave you feeling like an outsider and desperately searching for ways to fit in.
You may start to wish you could, if even for a day, just blend into this environment. You become hyper-aware of your American-ness and of just how much the slave trade stole away from you. Challenges begin to surface all stemming from how vastly different you, the African American, really are.
Weaving my way into my husband’s tribe and village life has essentially plunked me into a lifestyle completely opposite to that of my own. And as much as I wish it would’ve gone seamlessly, it hasn’t and is still a work in progress.
One thing I’ve learned each time I visit my in-laws in their northern Namibian village is that managing expectations of myself in the extremely unfamiliar environment is crucial. In doing so I have been presented with some unavoidable truths.
I’m not and will never be as physically strong as my in-laws.
My challenge:
The first time I visited my husband’s home village I just knew I would help around their home and be the immaculate houseguest. Wrong!
What did happen was my husband’s family members doing all sorts of manual labor that I often wasn’t physically able or just didn’t have the skill set to do.
Cooking over an open fire, gathering firewood, sowing seeds into the ground, repairing the goat’s enclosure, herding the cattle, feeding the pigs, digging a deeper irrigation system for the water tap, drying meat. Each day the temperature pushed 100 degrees fahrenheit and yet everyone milled about barely breaking a sweat.
Usually by about 11am each day my body was already feeling exhausted and dehydrated by the heat of the day. Meanwhile I saw my mother-in-law on several occasions, pounding mahangu grains into the ground using a hefty log-like apparatus that I could barely lift, a debacle I filmed myself trying to emulate here. The scorching temperature didn’t seem to bother her at all.
Sure, I wanted to assist with lunch preparation, but standing next to a fire while under the Namibian afternoon sun was brutal and migraine-inducing. I was not as physically strong and my heat endurance was significantly lower than everyone else’s.
I knew I wasn’t a lazy person, but I found myself feeling inadequate about the fact that I couldn’t assist with all of the laborious tasks that everyone around me was doing.
The solution:
Help out around the home where I could in smaller versions of the family’s tasks. I would offer to wash the dishes after meals or show interest in what they were doing by asking questions or just being present. If I saw someone carrying two heavy bags, I’d offer to help carry one. If a guest arrived and there were no chairs around, I’d give up my chair or offer to go grab one. When my mother-in-law asked me to prepare bread and tea for her elderly parents I enthusiastically agreed. I also learned to stay hydrated no matter what!
I need a lot time and the right mental space to learn a language.
My challenge:
To this day I am still far from fluent in Oshiwambo, my husband’s mother tongue, so visits to my husband’s home village have left me feeling frustrated about not being able to participate in the local conversations. However, the circumstances of my years in Namibia haven’t exactly been conducive to learning the language.
Unlike local Peace Corps volunteers, I didn’t begin my experience in Namibia with a significant amount of language training. The most formal training I’ve had is between 8-10 hours with WorldTeach, the teach abroad program that I first moved to Namibia with. Whether it was a new job, wedding or becoming a mother, the rest of my life in Namibia has been encompassed by one life event after another – not exactly a favorable language learning period.
I’ve also generally lived in towns around people who understand English or speak a language different from my husband’s family. At home my husband and I naturally speak English, although my husband often speaks his mother tongue to our 9 month old son (I guess he gave up on me! LOL). I’m one of those people who simply haven’t had the time to put in a ton of language study.
The solution:
As greeting is an important part of many cultures across the African continent, I’ve mastered the Oshiwambo language greetings and begun my language skills from there at my own pace. I’ve also realized that I definitely do not have to be fluent to survive a visit to the village.
During your stays in a village take along a dictionary (if one exists or you’ll have to start your own), notepad and pen and start to write down words as you learn them by ear. Ask what words mean from children who are fluent in English and their mother tongue as they are often easy to learn with. Use individual words as much as you can and from there try small common phrases.
Don’t put too much pressure on yourself but do be prepared for many periods of sitting down silently while everyone else is having conversations. Don’t beat yourself up about this! Don’t take offense to it either. Remember that it’s only natural for people to speak in their mother-tongue to each other first, even if they do speak English.
Of course, studying the language will make those visits to the village significantly easier but don’t beat yourself up if you haven’t had the time to get a good mastery or don’t speak the language at all. Show off some new words as you learn them and people will see that you’re at least trying! It will come.
When you visit the village, there may be downtime. And lots of it.
Spending time in the village as a visitor can be very… still. Just because you’re visiting doesn’t mean people will stop their day-to-day routines. Laundry still has to get done. Meals still have to be made. Thatched roofs need to be built or strengthened. And since the rains were heavy last night, the soil must be turned, lest the crop go to waste. People living in traditional settings don’t just live off the land – they control it. This requires an immense amount of manual work.
Basic physical restraints and unfamiliarity with processes often prevented me from being able to assist with these day-to-day activities. I often found myself bored and somewhat lonely.
The solution:
I learned to get comfortable with periods of downtime. I’d take a walk, pull out my kindle, journal, reorganize my luggage. Or I might just sit somewhere and be a sponge, perhaps by watching my sister-in-law make marula oil from homegrown nuts.
Feeling like I always needed to be doing something like everyone else seemingly was, was simply unrealistic given the environment. By default there just wouldn’t be as much for me to participate in and that was okay.
My differences from Namibians don’t make me any less Black.
Living abroad in a Black country can throw you for a loop in ways you never imagined. When I first arrived in Namibia I remember how pro-Black and Pan-African I was. Fast forward to my experiences in the village and all my perceived Blackness was being questioned – by others and by myself. The extreme environment left me feeling like I didn’t know a thing about Africa anything. The way the R’s and L’s rolled off of my tongue left some Namibians in the village I visited looking at me as if I was from Mars. I was certainly not African or Namibian anything. To them, I was an American.
The Solution:
I stopped comparing myself to my in-laws and recognized the vastness of Blackness. I am an AFRICAN-American. A BLACK woman. Out of all of the ugliness of colonialism has blossomed the magnificent diversity of the African diaspora. Our differences leave us all with so much to offer each other in so many endless ways.
I won’t be accepted by everyone.
Despite my genuine efforts to be culturally sensitive and open-minded to all of the novelty village life presents, there have quite possibly been individuals who still didn’t think I tried hard enough. My efforts to immerse myself are missed, a conclusion is reached that I am lazy or someone may just flat-out not like me. Misconceptions, unfamiliarity and even language barriers can breed contempt.
The solution:
First, I acknowledge the fact that someone not approving of me isn’t actually unique to this particular village. There are plenty of people who I could meet in the States who simply won’t like the way I do things! This attitude stops me from writing off an entire Namibian community, a mistake that’s so easy to make in the midst of cultural adjustment.
My mantra is to be confident and comfortable with the fact that I’ve tried my best and that my adjustments are a work in progress. I am satisfied because I know that although awkward at times, my efforts have been from a genuinely good place. Finally, I remind myself of the special opportunity and perspective I’ve been afforded to experience – life in two vastly different cultures.
After the visit is over, and I’m back to town life, I have time to quietly reflect on my latest village excursion. As I shake the sandy grains from my luggage, I notice a surprising reminiscence for my recent rural ventures. All of the positives have easily outweighed the tests that life in the village brought my way.
Musa Mthembo says
Your narrative on your experiences is so enjoyable to read. You really have taken this new life in Motherland so well, l really admire your tenacity and good luck.
Kaylan (Admin) says
Thanks so much for reading! I appreciate the supportive feedback!
Lalaphansi Lalaphansi says
I follow your youtube channel and liked your facebook page. Brilliant stuff to read an African American perspective of the Motherland. Great work
Jamal Bradley says
Excellent article and insight. I’ve dealt with some of these issues and it’s always an experience. Enjoy and keep documenting your experiences.
Kaylan (Admin) says
Thanks so much Jamal!
dellanvar says
Thank you for sharing your experience. I have recently awakened to my true African in America self. After visiting two countries in the continent I can relate. You said “the positives far out-way the negative”. Please consider sharing more about the pros and cons as you see them. Thanks again
akilahbridgeford@gmail.com says
You are living my dream. I always wanted to raise my children in an African village. It seems like a wonderful foundation to have. I’m glad you gave me a taste of reality though. Maybe we’ll just go for visits LOL. I can’t see me cooking in 100 degree weather. No ma’am!
Kaylan (Admin) says
LOL, like minds! Thanks for reading!
Keith Allan says
You inspire me with this article to one day do one of my own. I am the type who likes to get approval from friends or even my in-laws before I embark on writing ANYTHING with them involved.
Actually, that is the approach I used and still live by today for my Web site Meet Kenyans: http://www.meetkenyans.com. I even asked the permission of many Kenyans both friends and strangers alike. Asking if it was okay for me to launch the Web site in the first place, only one person disagreed. That disapproval was my own Kenyan wife, who knew? LOL! She was scared my Web site was going to be somehow a political one by pissing off the MPs within the Kenya parliament after launch. She had a sigh of relief after launch date and after the fact, I finally got her approval.
I am not African American, but I follow your stories because of certain connections. My connections in short: I grew up in predominantly African American and Hispanic neighbourhoods in California being from Santa Ana, and I know the community well, I became a part of it. What I did not know, beside the jokes like ‘African-booty-scratcher’ and the like. I did not know there was such animosity between ‘Africans vs. African Americans,’ not until after I got married and now know both sides, it came down on me literally like a ton of bricks.
Connection: I also live in Africa now. I look for Web sites mainly that have something of value to offer the African continent. Not the mass of sites that continue the down spiral path of condemning Africa and Africans. With the Westernised stereotypes that we all have been spoon fed, from childhood of Africans being somehow backwards and so-called uneducated. You, and I both know that there are a many people in America with no education or not a very good one at that. AAinA does the opposite in reporting, and so does Meet Kenyans, I do not feel we need to do this condemning of the African continent as there are already more than enough media out there doing it already, only out to make Africa look bad.
I do keep up with news though, like events of our times, but that is not my main focus. Web sites like AAinA offers a much needed (VAR) value added reporting as you lead by example. In showing and telling the truth that mainly encompass this great continent with the cultures that have made it function from the beginning of time. Family values in Africa by default are very biblical by nature. If one disagrees with that statement, read carefully what Kayla has written about regarding African village life; I can cosign for her and tell you it is the same way in Kenya as it is in Namibia. People really have a genuine love for life and with it, comes hard work, respect, obedience, responsibility at an early age, and it goes on from there, I kid you not.
I really love the way you broke down your experiences in this one, it was better to read what you have been through in comparing and seeing it through your many fine videos. If me and my wife were to ever visit Namibia, I would hope to visit one day your husband and yourself. You both are welcome join us in Kenya for a cup of Kenyan chai, if you two happen to visit Kenya in the future.
Fine work, keep it up, appreciate your positive commentary, someone like Oprah needs to read this.
Kaylan (Admin) says
Always appreciate your support Keith! Thank you for the great response, much to think about!
Sarah says
What do you miss most about african american culture specifically ? When you meet African Americas are there anythings they say that they miss most about African American culture? Do you notice any common themes?
Kaylan (Admin) says
Influences of African American culture can be seen everyday here (music, fashion, etc) and yes, there are many similarities outside of those influences that I believe we (African Americans) never lost, so sometimes it is amazing to see how much we are indeed alike, despite the geographical distances. The similarities are sometimes blatant (seeing people who bare striking resemblances to my family and friends back home and sometimes more subtle things like the ways we both socialize.
Njeri says
Am an African myself precisely from Kenya but to be truthful you just taught me something I never knew cos all myself have never lived in the village. Anyway we Africans love you people.hugs and mob love.please visit Kenya next time
Njeri says
Meant all my life ????
Kaylan (Admin) says
Thank you for the invitation!
Eric Madden says
Very good read. I pretty much think I can do anything so when I visit a village and am lucky enough to pitch in, I think I can be an asset. That’s my attitude going in but we will see how that works out…..lol. I may be tapping out with that heat as well.
Please please please keep this going. It’s a wonderful read.
Kaylan (Admin) says
Thank you so much!
Chi says
Hey Miss kaylan,your part of the new wave of people that are bilding that bridge with continental africans and africans in america, your consiousness is awake and all your efforts will excell cuz its the galaxy annd the positive forces behind you, peace and love from the infinite creator
Sister Kaylan.
Kaylan (Admin) says
Hi Chi! Thanks so much for the support and wonderful comment!